Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Christmas Decorating Contest

Once again, I was disqualified from my neighborhood’s “Best Decorated House” contest, due to my bad attitude!

I'm An Adult Now

25 Ways To Tell You're Grown Up

1 - Your houseplants are alive and you can't smoke any of them.

2 - Having sex in a twin bed is totally out of the question.

3 - You keep more food than beer in the fridge. (Well, we do have two fridge's, one for food and one for

4 - 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5 - You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6 - You watch the weather channel.

7 - Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up".

8 - You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9 - Jeans and a sweater no longer classify as "dressed up".

10 - You're the one calling the police cause those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11 - Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12 - You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13 - Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14 - You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.

15 - Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16 -You take naps.

17 - Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18 - Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 am would severly upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19 - You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, instead of condoms and pregnancy tests.

20 - A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer, "pretty good shit".

21 - You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22 - "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again".

23 - 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24 - You drink at home to save money before going to the bar.

25 - When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking, "oh shit, what the hell happened"?


26 - You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you, and can't find one to save your sorry ass.

You'll be a grown up some day too.

Monday, October 26, 2009

The Life & Times of Zoey - Part 10

A Very Special Tribute to a Very Special Dog

It is with a heavy heart that I announce the passing of my gorgeous girl Zoey. Most all of you know about Zoey and that she's been with Jonathan Hart in Florida the past few years and his love and devotion to her was 2nd to none, this being the reason she has come this far with her debilitating condition.

From the day Zoey was born, she was a looker with those gorgeous big black eyes and natural eyeliner. She was a stubborn puppy, never coming when called, chewed up most everything she could get ahold of, and destuffed and desqueaked every stuffie or toy ever given to her. Debbie's daughter Amanda really disliked Zoey because of this, but we certainly knew she was special as she always had such a spirit and personality like none other.

Upon hitting the show ring at 6 months of age she was Reserve Winners at the 2002 Eastern Specialty. Following this up the following weekend winning her first point and Best Puppy In Show. The end of July saw Zoey in Canada winning another Best Puppy In Show. She continued her winning ways in the US until before her first birthday when she completed her Championship, along the way she won Best of Winners two of the four days at the Midwest Specialty.

Amanda took over Zoey's career at this point and the bond they had was amazing. Zoey would walk on water for Amanda, but not really let her know that she would. They were the perfect team out in that show ring, and Amanda & Zoey's first Best In Show came in 2003 in Canada, this qualified Zoey for the Show of Shows held at the Ottawa Kennel Club. There is some different judging system for the Show of Shows, something with 3 different judges, and she won the Hound Group, making her Canada's Hound of the Year 2003. She was only lightly shown the rest of 2003.

The year 2004 saw Zoey's show career take off. She was not shown much until June, but she was Best of Breed and Group 1 at the Eastern Specialty. In July Zoey won her first US Best In Show under respected judge Edd Biven who stated "he never gave a Best to any whippet before". Another Best In Show in July and another in September along with many Group wins and placements made her the #7 Whippet in 2004.

In 2005 Zoey's show career went into overdrive. She started the year on the Florida circuit and won the Group at the first show of the year, and the following weekend won the Breed at the AKC Eukanuba National Championship. Her whirlwind of showing saw her win many Groups and placements until May when she was awarded Back to Back Best In Shows at the St. Clairsville Ohio Kennel Club shows. She was unstoppable at this point and continued her ways and in September at the Southern Specialty Zoey won 3 Breeds, a Specialty Best In Show, 2 Group 1's and an All-Breed Best In Show. Two more Bests in November took us into the last shows in December and of the 8 shows she was in, she was Best of Breed at all of them and won 7 Group 1's and 3 more Best In Shows. She ended 2005 as the #1 Whippet, #3 Hound and #25 amongst all breeds in the country.

She continued her winning ways in 2006 with a Breed win and a Group 4 at the Westminster Kennel Club, adding 3 more Best In Shows, and in April the horror began. At a show in Harrisburg she got shooting diahrrea, and was spiking a fever of 104. On Monday she was taken to the vet and her fever was up and down, they did all kinds of tests, blood panels, mylegrams, mri's, even spinal taps were done. Nothing showed anything. She did eventually rebound, and made a nice showing at the 2006 National in Boston. She was back on track in May winning a Group 1, but her backend was weakening. June 2006 was her last show as she went totally down in the rear.

Her rear muscles were deteriorating at an amazing pace. Vets never did know what went on with her and eventually came to the conclusion that she was somehow poisoned, and the poison had left her system when the bloodscreen was done, but had done it's damage. In my minds eye, she was supposed to die with whatever was given to her, but her will to live and spirit and determination overcame, and she survived the unlikely odds. Zoey still ran the farm at Debbie's house, chasing the cats, even de-tailing one of them in her endeavors. Her condition continued to deteriorate, and on her 6th birthday 2007 she came to be with Jonathan in Florida. I did get to see my girl again when my family took a trip to Disney Orlando and met up with Jonathan at a beach.

As Zoey ran the sunny beaches of Florida, even running away and traveling up the beach ending up at animal control, her condition had not improved. Jonathan's love and devotion to her was immeasurable, taking her everywhere, even to school where he is a teacher to underpriveledged kids. She has even been an inspiration to them.

In the spring of 2008 Jonathan called to tell me that Zoey wasn't doing well, and the discussion of putting her down was brought up. Amongst many tears and phone calls between Debbie, Jonathan and myself, it was decided that being she wasn't in any pain, we would up her meds and see what came about and make a decision in a week or so. Zoey's amazing spirit and zest for life took over and she bounced back like a trooper. She kept on truckin' along on her wobbly backend.

That summer Jonathan traveled to Montana and Zoey got her first taste of the clear, cool mountain air. She loved every minute of it, being out on the boat and soaking up the NW sun. As they were returning from their trip Zoey's right leg kept popping out of it's socket and it was very painful for her. She even bit Jonathan when he tried to get it back in place. Upon returning home, Debbie, Jonathan and I went through another tearful discussion of which the vets gave us the decision of removing her leg or euthanazia. Upon much discussion about this it was decided that with Zoey's determination and spirit and will to live we gave her a chance. Her surgery went well and she rebounded with that zestful spirit for life that we all grew to know so well. We knew we made the right decision.

Knowing Zoey could be a 3-legged dog was just fine, if her other leg was in good shape, but with it in a deteriorating condition, it was decided that a wheelchair was in her very near future. I had a custom chair made by Eddie's wheels, and delivered right to Jonathan's door. It was the best $400.00 I ever spent. Zoey wasn't crazy about her wheels at first, but when she realized the freedom it gave her she came to love that chair as much as she loved Jonathan.

Around rolls 2009: I have always had the dream of having a dog to show in the Parade of Honors at the National Specialty, and with a lot of encouragement from friends and family, and some not so encouraging words from some people, it was decided that Zoey would make a return to the show ring in the Parade of Honors at the 2009 National in Atlanta, GA. Jonathan, the saint that he is, took off work so he could drive Zoey to Atlanta for this. Zoey was the last entrant in the Parade and we had her all fitted up in her wheels and her specially made drape and bling. As Zoey and Amanda made their way around the ring, the Parade chairman started reading her bio which read: >>Zoey had to retire in the prime of her career in June 2006. Her US record: 18 Best In Show, 1 Best Puppy in Show, 3 Best In Specialty Show, 76 Group 1, 182 Best of Breeds (including BOB & Group 4 at Westminster), and many Group placements. She was in the Top 10 2004-2007. She was Hound of the Year 2003 in Canada. And in the US 2005's #1 Whippet, #3 Hound, #25 All Breed. Besides her amazing accomplishments, she has always had an amazing spirit and zest for life. She is a fighter, and her will to live is remarkable. Hugs to her major caregiver Jonathan. Words cannot express my thanks to you.<<

As the closing of her bio approached, the Parade of Honors chairman was in tears, I was in tears, Amanda was in tears, and I don't think there was a dry eye in the room. Zoey received a standing ovation from the very large crowd that gathered. She truly enjoyed seeing her old friends and meeting lots of new ones.

After her well received trip to Atlanta, this past summer Jonathan once again traveled to Montana with his crew. Zoey loved the idea of going on her hikes again and knew just how to maneuver her wheels around all the rocks and crevices that might have made her get stuck. She actually did a 6 mile hike in them wheels and was livin' high on life and the Montana sunshine.

We are now here in October and a phone call from Jonathan told me that Zoey's other rear leg is now about 95% unfunctional. She couldn't get up and the leg seems to be going the way of the other, dead. So another tearful discussion took place and it was decided that we would not make her into a two legged dog, even though Jonathan said he actually saw her walk a few steps on her front two legs with no help from her rear (almost like a handstand), talk about determination. I tearfully talked to Zoey to tell her how much I love her, and she will always be my baby girl, and no other will take her place in my heart, as she is my spirit and my soul.

The final decision that we will ever make about Zoey was made on October 26, 2009 to let her cross to the bridge where she can be a whole dog again; to leave this life with that sparkle in her eyes and the dignity in her spirit that we all know she will carry with her forever. Here is Zoey in her favorite spot; in the arms of one of her best friends and caregiver, Jonathan. Even though she loved Jonathan dearly, I really think her heart belonged to Amanda.

MBIS, MBISS, MBPIS, National Select, Am/Can Ch. Eclipse Envy of Sporting Field ---11/18/2001-10/26/2009

The light of my life, the heart of my heart, the soul of my soul, Goodbye sweet girl, I'll always love you.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Zoey in Montana 2009

Jonathan has traveled to Montana on his yearly summer trip. Here are a couple of pics of Zoey with the Montana sun setting behind her.

And a pic of her all geared up in her wheels getting ready for one of their many hikes. Jonathan says she gets all excited when her wheels come out and she gets a big smile/grin on her face, cause she knows that means they are going hiking. Zoey keeps up with Jonathan and the other dogs just fine in her wheels. She goes up hill, down hill, over rough terrain (hence the wide wheels) and most anywhere the others go. Jonathan promised me more pics of Zoey as the summer goes on.

Have fun Zoe-Zoe, your heart, soul, determination and spirit is still amazing to us all.

Orphie 6/4/1995 - 6/20/2009

Just two short weeks after her 14th birthday, our beloved "guard dog" Orphie crossed over to the Rainbow Bridge. She was a great dog and had a big tolerence for puppies. She will definitely be missed here at Eclipse.
Sleep well my sweet girl.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Tawny goes BIS

Tawny & Amanda won their first Best In Show yesterday in North Carolina.
Although I didn't breed or own Tawny, I am so extremely proud of them both, and I wish them continued success.
Tawny is well on her way to a great show career, and I wish her and Amanda many more Best In Shows.

Love & Hugs to both Amanda & Tawny.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

More Pics of my Gorgeous Zoey

Update 2 at Eclipse

Hi all. This past weekend was the American Whippet Club Eastern Specialty. Tyler and I went with only two dogs, Vanna & puppy Rayne. We didn't do squat all weekend, unlike last year when Vanna won WB, BOW, BOB & Group 3, and Rio was RWD, Best Puppy & puppy Group 4. I guess you really can't have it

But I got to see a lot of people and friends that I did see at the National in Atlanta, but with such a big show, didn't get to spend a lot of time with. Friday night we went out to dinner for Amanda's 25th birthday (lord I remember when she was a chubby 5 year old). We had a great time with her new beau Jonathan, Susie & her friend, Barb, Vince & Laura.

Saturday was the Specialty day and we had the thrill of cheering on Amanda & Tawny (Rio's sister) on to Best of Breed and a Group 2. Although it was very exciting, it amazes me to no end how one person will actually talk to a judge and can fix a show so that someone won't win. It's just mindboggeling to me. Anyway, it was exciting just the same.

Saturday night Lesley, Jeannie, Allan, Tyler and I ordered pizza and had it delivered to the Red Roof where we were staying. We sat outside drinking beer, bloody marys and eating pizza.

Sunday was another day that was mindboggeling as to how a judge will do just what you expect them to do, cause of the closeness a person has with that judge. Or that person has that judge in their pocket. Don't know how that works.

Tyler was bored at times until he discovered that Lesley could get U-Tube on her I-Phone, and he watched You-Tube videos of the Family Guy, the Simpsons and who knows what else. I don't know how many times she had to recharge her phone cause Tyler had it constantly.

Today was the last day of school, so Tyler is home now and already driving me crazy with lets do this, lets do that, and so on. We'll go to Dorney Park one day, and we'll go to the Smithsonian sometime, and maybe to the Philadelphia Zoo. We'll keep busy over the summer with stuff I'm sure.

Till next time...

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The Three Labs

Three male Labradors, 1 chocolate, 1 yellow, and 1 black were sitting in a waiting room at the vet's office when they struck up a conversation.

The black Lab turned to the chocolate Lab and said, 'So why are you here?' The chocolate Lab replied, 'I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's' bed.' The black Lab said, 'So what is the vet going to do?' 'Gonna cut my nuts off,' came the reply from the chocolate Lab... They reckon it'll calm me down.'

The black Lab then turned to the yellow Lab and asked, 'Why are you here?' The yellow Lab said, 'I'm a digger. I dig under fences dig up flowers and trees, and I dig just for the hell of it... When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch.' So what are they going to do to you?' the black Lab inquired. Looks like I'm losing my nuts too'. The dejected yellow Lab said.

The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked, 'Why are you here?' 'I'm a humper,' the black Lab said. 'I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, and fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. 'Yesterday, my owner had just gotten out of the shower, and as she was bending down to dry her toes, I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away'.

The yellow and chocolate Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, 'So, nuts off for you too, huh?' The black Lab said.... 'No, I'm just here to get my nails clipped.

Involuntary Muscular Contractions

A professor at the University of Vermont was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.

Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.........

Thoughts For The Day

Now that I'm older, I thought it was great that I seemed to have more patience. Turns out I just don't give a shit.

The Importance of Walking

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you, at 85 years old, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

My Dad started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 94 years old...and we don't know where he is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and, by the time I leave, I look just fine.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Update at Eclipse

I know I haven't been updating this every few days, but I've started a second job and I haven't got the time right now. Hopefully in a few weeks when school lets out I'll have more. I did post a few more funny emails I received. I hope you enjoy.

I've spoken to Jonathan, and he says Zoey is doing wonderful. She really doesn't like the beach as much as he thought she would with her wheels because of the sand being too soft. She has to go where the water makes it packed down hard. He will be leaving for Montana in a few weeks and he thinks she will absolutely love hiking those trails. She is up to 2 miles in her wheels. Best money I ever spent.

Tyler is doing well, I think he's gonna go onto the 3rd grade. His report cards are increasingly better, so hopefully this last one will be too.

I'm really looking forward to the Eastern Whippet Specialty this year which is the 29th, 30th and 31st of May. Should be fun, as Amanda and I will be rooming together. We'll get the smoothie machine cranking and suck down some of my homemade Margaritas.

As of now I only have three adults left to place into homes. I really want to get down on my numbers, cause I have two wonderful litters planned for this fall/winter, whenever the girls come into season. You can see who will be bred to whom on my website under "planned litters".

Hope all is well with everyone, have a great Memorial Day weekend, and I'll be in touch.


Don't Talk to my Parrot

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, 'I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you.' 'But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, 'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!'

To which the parrot replied,

'Get him Spike!'

See - Men just don't listen!

The Nun

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while 'the lights would turnoff.' Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?" The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.' 'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?' 'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender, 'Would you like a drink?' 'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.

'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?'

The Bathing Suit

When I was a child the bathing suit for the mature figure was boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job. Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.

The mature woman has a choice - she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia or she can wander around every run of the mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of florescent rubber bands.

What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark attacks as any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whip lash.

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror - my boobs had disappeared! Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment. The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap. As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, 'Oh, there you are,' she said, admiring the bathing suit. I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me.

I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring. I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day. I tried on a black number with a mesh midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning. I tried on a bright pink suit with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear it.

Finally, I found a suit that fit... a two-piece affair with a shorts style bottom and a loose blouse type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured. When I got home, I found a label which read -- 'Material might become transparent in water. 'So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too... I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a t-shirt!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Irish Bar Stool...

...for Kilt wearers......

The Chippendales return....

Oh how sexy....

Better yet...
Heading for the 30th Reunion...
The swimsuit competition
at the 30th Reunion...

I Believe

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born.
A Death Certificate shows that we died.
Pictures show that we lived!
Have a seat . . . Relax . . . And read this slowly.......
I Believe... That just because two people argue, that doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, that doesn't mean they do love each other.
I Believe...That sometimes when I'm angry, I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I Believe...That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I Believe....That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I Believe.....That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I Believe... That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I Believe...That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I Believe...That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe... That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I Believe...That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I Believe......That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I Believe...That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I Believe...That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I Believe...That my best friend and I can do anything, or nothing, and have the best time.
I Believe...That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I Believe...That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them.....and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I Believe...That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I Believe...That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I Believe...That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I Believe...That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever.
I Believe...Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I Believe...That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I Believe...That even when you think you have no more to give, if a friend cries out to will find the strength to help.
I Believe....That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I Believe...That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything.
Thank you God for all the wonderful people who help us throughout the journey of life..
God Bless You!

Roadside Emergency!!!

Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out ofthe car and opened the trunk.

I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies and private parts.

Cars started slowing down, looking at my life-like men. Of course, traffic started backing up. Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy.

It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me. He got out of his car and started walking towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!

He asked, "What's going on here?"
"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.
"Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"

I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, "Helloooooooo! Those are my emergency flashers!"

Monday, April 20, 2009

Your Yearly Dementia Test

It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert... If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast,' give up now and do something else.
Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

2. Say ' silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these???
If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.

4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, he decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of 'no man's land' between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land'?

Answer: You don't bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, 'You don't bury survivors', proceed to the next question.

5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.

What was the name of the bus driver?


One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.' I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him.
So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks.' They really should get lives. ' He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks!' There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.
He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends, he said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, 'Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday! ' He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship.. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd.
He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak Graduation day. I saw Kyle, he looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous!
Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey, big guy, you'll be great!' He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. ' Thanks,' he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began 'Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story. ' I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. 'Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable..'
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth. Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way. Look for good in others.
'Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.' There is no beginning or end. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift.
It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care.

Why Parents Drink

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. "Hello?"
''Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes", whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No"
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy there?"
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No".
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?''
"A helicopter", answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter".
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... "ME".

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Some of my favorite pics of Zoey

I'll post more tomorrow, as my dial up is giving me the fits right now.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Atlanta - Saturday 4/11/09

Saturday came around and the Best of Breed dogs went in. It was a sight to behold, 142 Whippet champions in one ring. Judge Magnus Hagstedt split the dogs and bitches into several groups, and he proceeded to whittle down the entries. In the end he had 13 gorgeous whippets to choose from. Here is the final breakdown:

Best of Breed: Ch. Snow Hill Calliope, JC

Best of Winners: Festiva's Been There Done That

Best Opposite Sex: Ch. Sporting Fields Rock On, JC (from 7-10 Veteran class)

Select #1 - Ch. Starline's Chanel
#2 - Ch. Yorktown's Extra Vitamin C, JC
#3 - Ch. Sporting Fields Bahama Sands
#4 - Ch. Seaspell's Point Cabria, SC
#5 - Ch. Ableaim Just Not Anthr Pretty Face, SC
#6 - Ch. Kamada's Instant Millionaire
#7 - Ch. Shamasan Flame 'N Queen, RN, JC
#8 - Ch. Snow Hill Onyx at Stoneledge
#9 - Ch. Sunbeam Rembrandt of Endeavor, JC
#10 - Ch. Fleetwood Return to Sendr

All beautiful dogs for sure. My personal favorites, Calliope, Rock On, Bahama Sands & Onyx.

I'm glad I was able to attend this National. Thanks Gloria, Patti, Melissa, Shelbi, Dana and especially Jonathan & Zoey, as this is one National I will NEVER forget!!!

Atlanta - Friday 4/10/09

Friday morning we went downstairs to watch Shelbi in the Junior Showmanship class. She placed a respected 3rd, if I remember correctly, with Pebbles. This was the day Vanna was in the ring as there were so many bitches he couldn't judge them all on the same day. Vanna showed like the star she is, and even though she got dumped (that was my theme song for the week "Dumped Again"), she gained a lot of ringside fans and I had lots of nice compliments about her.

Friday night was the gala Top Twenty event. You must qualify for the Top Twenty throughout the previous year, and the dogs were a sight to behold. We had a great time dressing up and acting like some very important people, and Zoey sat ringside with us watching and taking it all in, I'm sure remembering the times when she was in the TT ring. The Top Twenty was won by the beautiful Luna. Congrats to Todd & all involved with her career.