Sunday, December 26, 2010

Twas The Night Before Christmas 2010

Twas the morning before Christmas, and all through the house, ain't nobody home, cause Lady Di's heading South.

Here I am driving along...when suddenly I realize something is dreadfully wrong...I forgot my bikini, along with some other stuff....oh well, guess I'll just have to swim in the buff.

All is going fine, when traffic begins to slow a bit...I look over to the side and see Santa's sleigh in the ditch. Figurin' on doin' a bit of sleigh fixin', I realized it wasn't the sleigh, but Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen.

As I was looking at Santa's reindeer lying in the ditch water that was so murky...lo and behold, along comes the butchers meat wagon....looking to make some Christmas Jerky.

I stopped in Virginia to get some grub...a cute little waitress in an elf suit asked, "Merry Christmas, what can I get ya honey?" I told her, "Bacon and Eggs, and oh by the way, did you hear that Santa's reindeer are being ground up for money?"

I finally hit the North Carolina border while listening to some tunes that are kinda sad...when all of a sudden, Michael Jackson starts singing my song....I'm Bad.

As I'm driving along, I'm taking a mental inventory of the "beverages" I can count....I search for "Liquor or State Store" in the GPS...and it says, "dumb shit, you're in the South". So I think it's time for this Interstate and I to depart...and start looking for the local WalMart.

Here it is now Christmas Eve, looking for a place to stay the night. Hoping Santa finds some more reindeer, so he can find my site. Tyler will be looking for some presents come Christmas morn, and if there's none, I'm sure he'll be torn.

As for myself, there's nothing I want under the Christmas tree.....oh, except for that 6' tall muscle bound Cabana boy, sent here to serve only me.......oh and for all my friends and family to EAT, DRINK and BE MERRY.